Why I Stopped Caring
A few years ago the only thing I cared about was how others perceived me.
Was I smart enough? Interesting enough? Is my job impressive?
So many ridiculous questions flowed through my mind every time I met someone new. I just wanted to be the cool girl everybody liked and wanted everyone's approval.
Not only did that make me unhappy but it shaped me into a person I didn’t even know.
Who Am I?
If I wasn't myself, who was I? Amongst my sadness, I pondered this question on a daily basis until the obvious smacked me in the face:
I was living a life I had no idea how to lead, with everyone else’s expectations but my own.
I knew I had to make a change but the rate at which my sadness was transforming into depression, I was afraid.
Something had to happen fast but I couldn't fix the problem by staying in the same place - I had to look at everything from a different perspective.
So I said, 'fuck it,' climbed a mountain and tried to look at my life from a bird's eyes view.
What I Saw
With my eyes and heart finally open to new change, I stood at the top of the mountain with fear.
I had no fucking idea what was I doing nor did I have the slightest idea of how to make the leap of faith into the unknown.
That's when I thought of my friend Dee, a spinal surgeon who recently quit her job to be full time yoga teacher. She told me that she was tired of trying to live up to people's expectations - and most of all - tired of hiding her true self for the sake of a job that was making her miserable.
I thought, “holy shit, she’s a surgeon and she’s willing to give up her job that took her years of crazy studying and money - just so she can find happiness? She must be nuts.”
But Dee wasn’t nuts, she was brave enough to not give a fuck and follow her heart despite what everyone else thought including myself.
What I Did
With Dee in mind I took my metaphorical jump of the cliff. I was ready to stop giving a fuck and ready to live up to my full potential.
Scared shitless, I bought some depends, strapped them on and took life by the horns.
A month later, I took my first solo trip ever to Central America and fell in love with the country, and my Self.
I practiced and discovered forgiveness in a way that forever changed my life.
As it turns out, the moment I stopped giving a fuck was the moment my whole life changed for the better and I finally became my Self.